UMM

i saw it coming. i swear i did. but now i just can't help but wonder why i couldn't hold back those tears. i hope things get better ... or at least go back to the way things used to be before all the "titles" came into the picture. gawshhh, i'm so stupid.

there's no such thing as a mother efffing fairytale ending.

feeeeling ? ... sadddd/happy? idk.

OH PLEASE

stop giving me BS. i really don't need none of that right now.

thank God for certain people who keep me going. i love them.

don't wanna' say much right now. so, here's how school went:

1st --> probably failed that test ;(

2nd --> an okay day.

3rd --> archery's whatevs.

4th --> shoot me.

5th --> yay for mrs.gordon !

6th --> chill day. mock trial's fun.

eff covina. we shoulda' beat them tonight. the referee obviously didn't know what a whistle is used for. 1-1 ?! you kiddin' me. that game was ours ... we need to focus & communicate A LOT better though. shooot ...

so over some things. i'm done.

feeeeling ? ... pissed, skeptical, whatevs !

WTF ?

no really. i'm so confused right now.

but anyways, because i love anne oh so much (& not because she totally wanted me to. hahah!) ... i'm gonna' take this moment to just point out that that picture of me over there ---> was taken by the wonderful anne madriaga. ahah, so props to her :) [ anne, if you're reading this ... ily ! ]

um, school's back in session. EFF MY LIFE times a zillion. forrrreal. it was unbelievably hot outside, & it's still freakin' hot inside my house too! i've never wanted to be inside a classroom so badly before, but shooot ... what can i say? the heat really gets to you. blehh, but other than the stupid weather ... everything else wasn't all that greaaat either. like seriously though, i'm really just praying that things get better. ughhh, okay ... no more talking about the negatives. 'cause forreal, it's just making me choke up & crap. i don't need any of that right now. it's time to be mother effffing OPTIMISTIC.

here's how school went:
1st --> prepared for tomorrow's test D:
2nd --> pig.
3rd --> just sat in the shade :)
4th --> don't get me started.
5th --> pretty dang boring.
6th --> started the mock trial. yayyy !

mmm ... all i really keep thinking over & over right now is "WHYYYY?" goshh, i'm in need of way better days. too bad i have a math test tomorrow & then CST's. horrible timing for that crap.

i'm done. it's really hot. 'nuff said.

feeeeling ? ... confused, distracted, disappointed, ... HOT ! D:<

WHATEVS

haha, so i kinda' feel like i'm grounded even though neither one of my parents verbally said i was. it's pretty weird, but yeah. i don't even know what being grounded is really like because my parents don't even really know what the heck it means either, but eh ... i'm just guessing that the kinda' feeling that i have right now is basically what it feels like to be on lockdown. haha. that's just in the words of anna :) i kinda' got in trouble for coming home late on tuesday, but i dgaf 'cause it was well worth it. haha, & like what i said before ... my parents don't know how to ground me, so they let me out yesterday but i had to be home really early D:< more people were supposed to come but didn't 'cause parents were being blahh & things just came up. oh welllll. but before that, i went to anna's house & she did my hair. thennn, papa richard (sean's daddddy) picked us up & dropped us off at the shoppes. we ate at cpk :) that stuff is delicious, but i got really full really quick. after eating we just chilled inside barnes & noble 'cause it was so effffing windy & cold outside. me & kayla had a talk that seriously made me wanna' cry ... & until now, i still choke up thinking about it. effff my life. but anywaysss, sean & anna kept disappearing. hahah, nothing new ;) justkiddin' ! so, at about 2:50ish, anna's brother took me home. it was an overall chill hangout, but it could've been better but whatevs ! :)

now todaaay ... i actually passed up an opportunity to chill with people. crazy, right ? haha. well, i felt like i was already pushing my dad's buttons way too much. so now i'm probably gonna' be stuck at home all day [unless my cousins decide to do something]. dangg, i hope they do.

this may seem a little random, but yesterday i suddenly had an urge to draw. hah, not like just doodles & whatnot ... but like real drawings. i haven't been into that stuff since about 2 years ago, but hmm ... i'm kinda' diggin' it again. i miss it ;) ahah, don't hate.

i watched slumdog millionaire last night. that's one of my faves now ! ahah.

ughhh, i just remembered that i have to watch another game that i'm still not allowed to play in later on tonight. i've been assigned as the "time keeper" since nobody else wants to do that crappy job & i'm still not playing for about a week & a half or so. mann, so forget going out to chill with my cousins ... i already have plans. blahhh.

well, one of my little cousins just came over & i wanna' play with her now, so seeeeya :)

feeeeling ? ... bored, creative, hesitant.

BY FARRR

... the best day of spring break. i don't care if there's still more days of break to come ... nothing's gonna' top today :) no joke.

so, i went to the ronald reagan museum today with cameron & his family. it was pretttty legit :) i had lots of fun bonding with his fammm. haha. we had some ihop for breakfast. good stuff. mmm ... i don't know. everything was just good about today, except for my ridiculously annoying headache. i'm pretty sure that i had a fever throughout most of the day, but whateverrrr ... it was all worth it. um, i think my fever's gone now though. i just got home from watching a soccer that i really wish i could've played in. too bad i'm still out for 2 weeks. my team won 1-0 :)

oh, quick little side note ... my dad & cameron's dad might actually know each other from when they used to ball back in the day. hahaha. randommm.

so i'm gonna' get some rest now. g'night !

feeeeling ? ... happppy, tired, kinda' sorta' sick.

DANG IT

um, first off ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TITO ARMAN ! :) we're gonna' throw him a surprise birthday party on saturday. i'm kinda' excited.

so today has been extremely crappy. i woke up around 8 o'clock with an enormous headache that still hasn't gone away. my mom made me breakfast & i took some tylenol pills ... thennn, i went back to sleep. i woke up again around 1 o'clock & my head was still killlllin' me. at least i woke up to a text from my babyy ;) hah. too bad that's like the only good thing that's happened today. my dad made me take my dog out to do her "business". it's pretty humid outside for some reason & i don't like it at alllll.

i ate some lunch & then watched some episodes of "sonny with a chance" with my cousin. i ate an orange earlier & now i feel like throwing up. like seriously, i'm so nauseated. my doctor told me this kinda' stuff would happen because of my concussion, but what the efffff ... it's getting really bad. the thing is ... i needa' make sure that i'm completely better by tomorrow so then i can hang out with cameron. mmm ... crossing my fingers on that one.

so now, here i am ... blogging with my head feeling like it's gonna' blow up at any second. i'm bored & i wanna' go out & do something ... but at the same time, i just sleep more. mann, i'm confusing. i'm kinda' over all this already, so i guess i'm outtt.

"until next time ..."

feeeeling ? ... extremely nauseated, irritated, hopeful.

FAIL

i don't care if spring break just started. i at least wanted a good start. eh, i don't know. i guess i'm still pretty bummed out about not being allowed to hang out with my boyfriend yesterday :( i'm just really hoping to see a lot of him this week. mmm ... that reminds me ; i still gotta' plan a kickback with other people too. that should be fun ...

so my cousins that usually drive me everywhere are currently on their way home from sacramento. my life's just extra boring without them. but anyways, i watched yes man on DVD with my dad & brother last night. the movie was okaaay :) i watched about 20 minutes of marley & me too, but i fell asleep. it's okay though, 'cause i already saw it in theaters anyway.

oh, by the way ; HAPPY EASTER ! i didn't do anything much with my family to celebrate though. we just went to the puente hills mall & ate at Max's of Manila. the food there is freakin' delicious ! i even had 2 scoops of ube ice cream :D now i'm just bored at home ... pretty much like how yesterday went down. hm well, today might actually be worse. bleh, who even cares anymore? ...

i talked to my parents about my sweet16 today. so effffing frustrating ! it's mostly my mom, i swear. she's trying to ruin my life or something. my dad's just backing her up & it's pissing me off. ugh, i'm sorry. i don't mean to go off like that, but holy crappp ... it's irritating. whatever though, my dad's friend is gonna' DJ for my party & he wants me to get every single one of the songs i want so that he can get everything ready. i think that's just wonderful. shoot me.

i'm in dire need of something fun to do. actually, i just wanna' hang out with someone right now ... preferably cameron ;) haha. i don't know, maybe i'll start getting my songs for my party ready. a nap sounds kinda' good too though. hmm, whatever ... i'll figure it out later. there's just a little too many things going through my mind right now. thank goodness for spring break.

i'll keep the updates coming. don't worry :)

feeeeling ? ... bored, irritated, needy.

HALLELUJAH

it's finally spring break. i've been waiting for this for like ... ever ! hahah. i don't even have any official plans with anybody. but whatevs, i'm gonna' change that soon. gawshhh, i'm so excited for what this upcoming week has in store for me. i'm praying that'll be something really fun & memorable :)

so these passed few days have been a blur. literally. just an fyi ; i gotta' concussion on tuesday (the 7th). yeeeup, not fun at all. i had a doctor's appointment today & i guess i'm not supposed to do anything strenuous for about 2 weeks or even more. ughh, kinda' disappointing since that means i'm gonna' have to miss a few soccer games, but at the same time ... i'm glad i finally get a break. hah, i hope my world stops spinning soon ;)

um, school pretty much went down like this:
1st --> pretty much confused.
2nd --> "the usual". hah, notes.
3rd --> walked 'round & 'round.
4th --> videos .. again !
5th --> naptiiiime :D
6th --> presentations. [ just shoot me]

i watched the hannah montana movie today with my cousins. hahah. it was actually pretty enjoyable ... i gotta' admit it. i'm still not diggin' hannah montana, but eh ... the movie was whatevs. so um, lucas till = my new celebrity crush. ahaha. forrreal, "pretty fly for a white guy." haha ! ;) i ain't gonna' deny it, but it's okay ... i already have my own cutie in real life, so i can't go wasting my time thinking about things that'll never ever ever happen. but anywaysss, go watch the movie !

so, me & mah' girls took a picture today. check itttt ;)

hah, so my little brother has a soccer tournament tomorrow & i'm gonna' go ... so i think it's time for me to get some rest. i'm glad i've gotten the chance to give some updates & whatnot. i'll keep these blogs going throughout break .. hopefully. until then, seeeeya :)

feeeeling ? ... relieved, tired, excited, skeptical, & a little bit confused.

<3

APRILfourth2OO9.

allllllll mine :)